I think it's great idea to base your storybook around the rivalry between Karna and Arjuna. It seems like a very iconic rivalry, especially when you pit their fathers together. Although, I wasn't quite sure where the rivalry was focused, as in, how you were planning for it to play out. Maybe set that up more in your introduction. I love the idea though! Very creative!
I love your idea of diving deeper into the relationship between Karna and Arjuna. If I had not read the stories that explain their relationship, I think that, as a reader, I would be confused about why Indra and Surya were pitted against each other. I think it could be helpful to include details about them without straying too far from the story of Karna and Arjuna. One suggestion that I have would be to possibly link your introduction on the cover page. Another suggestion is to maybe include something in your introduction or on your cover page that helps your readers understand that the stories you are going to compile are based off on ones in the Mahabharata.
Hello Jasmin! I just wanted to say that I thought your introduction was great! I believe it is a cool idea to dive into the lives of Karna and Arjuna. I also really enjoyed how you brought out the perspectives of the two fathers! It was interesting to see what they might be going through when their sons are about to battle. Overall, I believe you are off to a great start for your storybook! However, while I was on your page, I was confused on if the Introduction was about your story book or if it was one of the stories to read. You might be able to create a title relating to the stories allowing for easier navigation. However, I hope you have a great OU/Texas weekend! If you are driving, be safe! I wish you have a great semester and keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of the great stories you produce.
Hi Jasmin! Your introduction did a great job of pulling me in! I wanted to keep reading. I really like the concept of your storybook. When I was reading the Mahabharata I was really intrigued by Karna and Arjuna's shared lineage. I like that you have their father's discussing their sons together. The conversation flowed really nicely. I am always impressed when people write dialogue effectively. Besides the fact that both fathers are gods, the conversation seemed natural.
I thought your site was easy to navigate and clear to read. I like that you have a link to your Comment Wall from your website. If you're interested, Google sites has the option to make it a button, which looks really clean. Overall, great job. It’s clear that you’re a talented writer with a clear vision for this storybook. Good luck this semester and I look forward to reading the rest of your stories!
I LOVE this story. The feelings of paternal anguish, the comparison of backgrounds, the framed inevitability of the conflict, the sense of sorrow which pervades throughout, and, above all, the feeling of an epic buildup to a battle for the ages between two uncompromising, equally-matched men. The descriptions you use are so very effective while they provide beautiful imagery: “Surya, the sun god, cloaked in bright armor”, “Indra, the ruler of the heavens, grasping his weapon of choice”. You set them up as the colossuses and then, with the next sentence, humanize them. “Here stood two fathers that only wanted the best for their sons.” I appreciated the way you separated this from the preceding paragraph- the isolation of it serves its emphasis. The jumps from the gods’ conversation and the rundown of the opponents are a bit jarring, but work in the context of the overall mood. The picture you used was an excellent fit as well. I made it all the way through thinking this was a lead-up, then at the end realized that it was a reflection of two very disappointed, broken fathers. I found it riveting, and the final sentence is perfection. I will definitely be keeping up with this one!
I liked your introduction. The dialogue was well written and I like your character choices. The story seems to be well-written and thoroughly sought out. I do believe that having an intro or opening paragraph to your story would be nice to have! It would give some background information on what is to happen and what we should anticipate. I also wanted to see where you had gotten your ideas from, so an author's note would be great! I look forward to reading your story!
Hey Jasmin! Your story made me want to keep reading! I really enjoy the story between Arjuna and Karna and I'm glad you chose them to write about! Your website is super easy to navigate and gets me right where I need to be! I liked the introduction but it threw me off without the author's note. It cleared up once I read on to continue the story though! It would be cool to see a short background on why Karna wants to fight Arjuna and why they seem to hate each other. It was cool to see more than just Arjuna and Karna getting involved in the rivalry and I'm excited to see where it goes in your story! I like how close you stuck to the original and how I can read them close together and see exactly what you were intending with your story. Good job and keep it up!
Hi Jasmin, I really like your story!! It really got my attention especially the way you start your story. It made me want to read more and find out what it was talking about. Karna and Arjuna are good characters to look into and great topic for your storybook. I think you are great at writing. The way you tell your story makes me want to read more and more. Your introduction flowed really well together aswell. One thing I suggest is saying the background information on the characters assuming that readers might not know the insides of Indra and Surya. Your site was pretty easy to go through and read. I also like the image you used. It is perfect for your story. Another thing I suggest is adding more of an introduction for readers to look at so they know what they will be reading. I have seen that on storybooks and it is really helpful for readers. Other than that I am looking forward to reading your stories about Karna and Arjuna!
I am so glad that I looked through your project website page. You do a fabulous job of grabbing the reader’s attention and keeping it engaged throughout your story. The Arjuna and Karna story is a great excerpt, so I am thrilled that you chose to write about it. The flow of your story makes the reader want to keep reading. You do an excellent job with your writing style. The voice is very clear and present throughout. I would also suggest including more background information on your characters. Most of us will know these characters, but some might be unfamiliar or might need a refresher on the characters roles and history. I enjoyed scrolling through your site. I think that you made a great choice with images. I think the final sentence of your story was the very best of the entire story. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
I just looked at your website, and it looks so good! The images for your introduction and story are perfect. They do a good job of foreshadowing the events to come. Also, I like the banner you chose, It helps make the title really pop out. Your introduction is very clever. I like how the two Gods are reminiscing about their son's past events. It builds a lot of suspense. I was wondering if you could maybe come up with a setting for them. Where are they? In heaven, or walking around a battlefield? That would really increase the foreshadowing. The First Stone was really good too. You did an amazing job portraying every one's thoughts and feelings. I was wondering if you could add a little bit about the challenges that every one had to complete. I like how you ended the story going back two the two gods. I was wondering if maybe you could add a transitional sentence from the competition to the gods. It might help the the reader make the jump between the two scenes. Overall, it is a great site, and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Jasmin! I want to start off by saying that I really like that your website is based around Arjuna and Karna. One of my stories is about Arjuna and Karna and my other one is about Kunti and Karna, so I like that I can read about characters that I write about from another person's perspective. I really like how you provided so much background information on all of the characters in just your first story. I think that is a really great way to start off, especially considering you're doing a Storybook project as well. Your use of dialogue is brilliant as well. That provides the reader with an insight into the character's mind. I especially love the last two sentences in your story. You built up the drama and made this cliffhanger that is going to make the reader come back for more. I think if you add more illustrations or pictures in the story about certain scene, it might help set the setting. But good job overall!
Hi Jasmin! I liked the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side theme in your story. Karna's desire for a different life when his own is so good was emphasized well by your description of his life. Your story was also very easy to follow and clear, which made it have more impact. I enjoyed the way you developed the conflict between Arjuna and Karna, which I didn't quite understand in the original reading. Thanks for expanding on it! How much did Karna learn before Parashurama cursed him? Maybe you could expand on the part of the story when Karna is training for dramatic effect. The way you start the introduction in the middle of the story with an argument between the fathers was a great move and very compelling! You chose the title for the first story well; it tells the reader that the start of the conflict is about to be explained. Great job; it was really good!
Hey there Jasmin! I just got the chance to take a look into your project site for this semester. You have done a great job so far. I really liked how you managed to set up your introduction with a story instead of just using it to explain your next pages in your site. I also liked the images that you chose, as they don't distract from the most important part of the project, the text. Your style of writing is nice and clear, and I enjoyed the way you added detailing into the conflict of the original story. You could maybe try adding even more detail in future stories that readers have a hard time grasping. It is obvious by your bold choice of starting with dialogue right away, that you are not afraid of changing things up from the original stories. I look forward to seeing more of your project in the future, so keep up the good work!
Hi Jasmin! Your story has a clear plot, and it was nice that your introduction hinted at where the story was going. I like how each story adds to the conflict between Arjuna and Karna, creating only more issues and furthering their argument. The introduction, however, felt a little sparse. I think some background information and maybe even your own speculation about their childhoods could help establish the story's ground situation. There were detailed parts that I really enjoyed, such as in Love Lost. I like the image of Draupadi riding in on the elephant, and the visual description of her appearance was really nice.
I had a problem with some of your sentence structures. There seemed to be a lot of half-sentence things that really just need some helping verbs. Here is an example of one that was hard for me to read: "Indra, the father of Arjuna. Surya, the father of Karna. Karna, the boy with a heart of gold. A great warrior and a respected king. Arjuna, just as valiant. A little brother to Karna." It has really important information, great detail, but it felt stilted and a little funny when I read it. I don't know if it is just your writing style, and it is okay to do sometimes, but there was a whole lot of it. I don't know if I'm just being picky, but I had a little bit of trouble with it. A way to maybe fix it would be: "Indra, the father of Arjuna, and Surya, the father of Karna, only wanted to best for their sons. Karna is the boy with a heart of gold, as well as a great warrior and the respected king of Agna. Arjuna is just as valiant..." and so on. I think you have some great things going on, but I would just prefer to have the sentences a little more fleshed out. Overall, great stories!
Hi Jasmin. I read your “Introduction” part of the amazing story of Karna and Arjuna. I like the very beginning of the story. The two amazing fathers wanted the best for their endeared sons. I especially like the description of Karna: the boy with a heart of gold. I also like how Indra’s protective thought: “I know what I did was wrong, but would you have acted any differently? Who are we if we can't protect them?" It sounded really responsible and charismatic. Wow. Karna has overcome the difficulties of his life and never let his misfortunes guided his actions. That’s a very powerful mental attitude. It’s sad to read that Karna grew up feeling less than Arjuna. I wonder how the story would have turned out differently if Karna was Arjuna. Would he still have the tough mentality that he had? And what if Arjuna wasn’t a great archer. I bet he would have easily beaten by Karna. Thank you for a great story!
Hi Jasmin! I really like how you chose to write a story about the gods. These are some of my favorites because it is fun to get a peek into the personalities of these gods and read stories about their lives. Your introduction was great and immediately left me wanting to read more. The pictures you used to go along with your stories are awesome and help describe each story that you chose to write. i like how the first story is about fathers and the choices they made to protect their sons. Its easy to relate to because i know my dad is a very protective parent. your use of dialogue throughout each of your stories is great and i think you have done an awesome job overall. your overall site is creative and it was different from the other stories i have read. keep up the good work!
Hi Jasmin I just looked at your storybook and I really liked it. Your introduction was interesting because it was part of the actual story. Usually, I see introductions that tell about what is going to be in the project. You included it as the actual start so that was nice. The plot was also clear and easy to follow. The development of it and the conflicts within were well written and overall it made the stories easy to read. You did a great job at creating these stories from other stories. You kept it consistent which is also very important. I liked the images your used for you storybook. Something else that was different but a good idea to include was the bibliography at the end. It makes your project put together and organized by having one place where all sources can be found. I really enjoyed reading your stories!
Hey Jasmin! I really love how you have done your project. Your site is nicely set up and you have chosen some really great pictures. I thought your stories were very well written and I enjoyed reading them. I love that you included part of the story in your introduction, as most have just given background information here. Your project is very creative and I love what you have done with the original stories to make them your own. I hope I can read more of your work soon, because you are a talented writer.
I think it's great idea to base your storybook around the rivalry between Karna and Arjuna. It seems like a very iconic rivalry, especially when you pit their fathers together. Although, I wasn't quite sure where the rivalry was focused, as in, how you were planning for it to play out. Maybe set that up more in your introduction. I love the idea though! Very creative!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea of diving deeper into the relationship between Karna and Arjuna. If I had not read the stories that explain their relationship, I think that, as a reader, I would be confused about why Indra and Surya were pitted against each other. I think it could be helpful to include details about them without straying too far from the story of Karna and Arjuna. One suggestion that I have would be to possibly link your introduction on the cover page. Another suggestion is to maybe include something in your introduction or on your cover page that helps your readers understand that the stories you are going to compile are based off on ones in the Mahabharata.
ReplyDeleteHello Jasmin! I just wanted to say that I thought your introduction was great! I believe it is a cool idea to dive into the lives of Karna and Arjuna. I also really enjoyed how you brought out the perspectives of the two fathers! It was interesting to see what they might be going through when their sons are about to battle. Overall, I believe you are off to a great start for your storybook! However, while I was on your page, I was confused on if the Introduction was about your story book or if it was one of the stories to read. You might be able to create a title relating to the stories allowing for easier navigation. However, I hope you have a great OU/Texas weekend! If you are driving, be safe! I wish you have a great semester and keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of the great stories you produce.
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmin! Your introduction did a great job of pulling me in! I wanted to keep reading. I really like the concept of your storybook. When I was reading the Mahabharata I was really intrigued by Karna and Arjuna's shared lineage. I like that you have their father's discussing their sons together. The conversation flowed really nicely. I am always impressed when people write dialogue effectively.
ReplyDeleteBesides the fact that both fathers are gods, the conversation seemed natural.
I thought your site was easy to navigate and clear to read. I like that you have a link to your Comment Wall from your website. If you're interested, Google sites has the option to make it a button, which looks really clean. Overall, great job. It’s clear that you’re a talented writer with a clear vision for this storybook. Good luck this semester and I look forward to reading the rest of your stories!
I LOVE this story. The feelings of paternal anguish, the comparison of backgrounds, the framed inevitability of the conflict, the sense of sorrow which pervades throughout, and, above all, the feeling of an epic buildup to a battle for the ages between two uncompromising, equally-matched men. The descriptions you use are so very effective while they provide beautiful imagery: “Surya, the sun god, cloaked in bright armor”, “Indra, the ruler of the heavens, grasping his weapon of choice”. You set them up as the colossuses and then, with the next sentence, humanize them. “Here stood two fathers that only wanted the best for their sons.” I appreciated the way you separated this from the preceding paragraph- the isolation of it serves its emphasis. The jumps from the gods’ conversation and the rundown of the opponents are a bit jarring, but work in the context of the overall mood.
ReplyDeleteThe picture you used was an excellent fit as well.
I made it all the way through thinking this was a lead-up, then at the end realized that it was a reflection of two very disappointed, broken fathers. I found it riveting, and the final sentence is perfection. I will definitely be keeping up with this one!
Hey Jasmin,
ReplyDeleteI liked your introduction. The dialogue was well written and I like your character choices. The story seems to be well-written and thoroughly sought out. I do believe that having an intro or opening paragraph to your story would be nice to have! It would give some background information on what is to happen and what we should anticipate. I also wanted to see where you had gotten your ideas from, so an author's note would be great! I look forward to reading your story!
Hey Jasmin!
ReplyDeleteYour story made me want to keep reading! I really enjoy the story between Arjuna and Karna and I'm glad you chose them to write about! Your website is super easy to navigate and gets me right where I need to be! I liked the introduction but it threw me off without the author's note. It cleared up once I read on to continue the story though! It would be cool to see a short background on why Karna wants to fight Arjuna and why they seem to hate each other. It was cool to see more than just Arjuna and Karna getting involved in the rivalry and I'm excited to see where it goes in your story! I like how close you stuck to the original and how I can read them close together and see exactly what you were intending with your story. Good job and keep it up!
Hi Jasmin,
ReplyDeleteI really like your story!! It really got my attention especially the way you start your story. It made me want to read more and find out what it was talking about. Karna and Arjuna are good characters to look into and great topic for your storybook. I think you are great at writing. The way you tell your story makes me want to read more and more. Your introduction flowed really well together aswell. One thing I suggest is saying the background information on the characters assuming that readers might not know the insides of Indra and Surya. Your site was pretty easy to go through and read. I also like the image you used. It is perfect for your story. Another thing I suggest is adding more of an introduction for readers to look at so they know what they will be reading. I have seen that on storybooks and it is really helpful for readers. Other than that I am looking forward to reading your stories about Karna and Arjuna!
Hi Jasmin,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I looked through your project website page. You do a fabulous job of grabbing the reader’s attention and keeping it engaged throughout your story. The Arjuna and Karna story is a great excerpt, so I am thrilled that you chose to write about it. The flow of your story makes the reader want to keep reading. You do an excellent job with your writing style. The voice is very clear and present throughout. I would also suggest including more background information on your characters. Most of us will know these characters, but some might be unfamiliar or might need a refresher on the characters roles and history. I enjoyed scrolling through your site. I think that you made a great choice with images. I think the final sentence of your story was the very best of the entire story. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
-Andy
Hi Jasmin!
ReplyDeleteI just looked at your website, and it looks so good! The images for your introduction and story are perfect. They do a good job of foreshadowing the events to come. Also, I like the banner you chose, It helps make the title really pop out. Your introduction is very clever. I like how the two Gods are reminiscing about their son's past events. It builds a lot of suspense. I was wondering if you could maybe come up with a setting for them. Where are they? In heaven, or walking around a battlefield? That would really increase the foreshadowing. The First Stone was really good too. You did an amazing job portraying every one's thoughts and feelings. I was wondering if you could add a little bit about the challenges that every one had to complete. I like how you ended the story going back two the two gods. I was wondering if maybe you could add a transitional sentence from the competition to the gods. It might help the the reader make the jump between the two scenes. Overall, it is a great site, and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Jasmin! I want to start off by saying that I really like that your website is based around Arjuna and Karna. One of my stories is about Arjuna and Karna and my other one is about Kunti and Karna, so I like that I can read about characters that I write about from another person's perspective. I really like how you provided so much background information on all of the characters in just your first story. I think that is a really great way to start off, especially considering you're doing a Storybook project as well. Your use of dialogue is brilliant as well. That provides the reader with an insight into the character's mind. I especially love the last two sentences in your story. You built up the drama and made this cliffhanger that is going to make the reader come back for more. I think if you add more illustrations or pictures in the story about certain scene, it might help set the setting. But good job overall!
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmin! I liked the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side theme in your story. Karna's desire for a different life when his own is so good was emphasized well by your description of his life. Your story was also very easy to follow and clear, which made it have more impact. I enjoyed the way you developed the conflict between Arjuna and Karna, which I didn't quite understand in the original reading. Thanks for expanding on it! How much did Karna learn before Parashurama cursed him? Maybe you could expand on the part of the story when Karna is training for dramatic effect. The way you start the introduction in the middle of the story with an argument between the fathers was a great move and very compelling! You chose the title for the first story well; it tells the reader that the start of the conflict is about to be explained. Great job; it was really good!
ReplyDeleteHey there Jasmin! I just got the chance to take a look into your project site for this semester. You have done a great job so far. I really liked how you managed to set up your introduction with a story instead of just using it to explain your next pages in your site. I also liked the images that you chose, as they don't distract from the most important part of the project, the text. Your style of writing is nice and clear, and I enjoyed the way you added detailing into the conflict of the original story. You could maybe try adding even more detail in future stories that readers have a hard time grasping. It is obvious by your bold choice of starting with dialogue right away, that you are not afraid of changing things up from the original stories. I look forward to seeing more of your project in the future, so keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmin! Your story has a clear plot, and it was nice that your introduction hinted at where the story was going. I like how each story adds to the conflict between Arjuna and Karna, creating only more issues and furthering their argument. The introduction, however, felt a little sparse. I think some background information and maybe even your own speculation about their childhoods could help establish the story's ground situation. There were detailed parts that I really enjoyed, such as in Love Lost. I like the image of Draupadi riding in on the elephant, and the visual description of her appearance was really nice.
ReplyDeleteI had a problem with some of your sentence structures. There seemed to be a lot of half-sentence things that really just need some helping verbs. Here is an example of one that was hard for me to read:
"Indra, the father of Arjuna. Surya, the father of Karna. Karna, the boy with a heart of gold. A great warrior and a respected king. Arjuna, just as valiant. A little brother to Karna."
It has really important information, great detail, but it felt stilted and a little funny when I read it. I don't know if it is just your writing style, and it is okay to do sometimes, but there was a whole lot of it. I don't know if I'm just being picky, but I had a little bit of trouble with it. A way to maybe fix it would be:
"Indra, the father of Arjuna, and Surya, the father of Karna, only wanted to best for their sons. Karna is the boy with a heart of gold, as well as a great warrior and the respected king of Agna. Arjuna is just as valiant..." and so on. I think you have some great things going on, but I would just prefer to have the sentences a little more fleshed out. Overall, great stories!
Hi Jasmin. I read your “Introduction” part of the amazing story of Karna and Arjuna. I like the very beginning of the story. The two amazing fathers wanted the best for their endeared sons. I especially like the description of Karna: the boy with a heart of gold. I also like how Indra’s protective thought: “I know what I did was wrong, but would you have acted any differently? Who are we if we can't protect them?" It sounded really responsible and charismatic. Wow. Karna has overcome the difficulties of his life and never let his misfortunes guided his actions. That’s a very powerful mental attitude. It’s sad to read that Karna grew up feeling less than Arjuna. I wonder how the story would have turned out differently if Karna was Arjuna. Would he still have the tough mentality that he had? And what if Arjuna wasn’t a great archer. I bet he would have easily beaten by Karna. Thank you for a great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmin! I really like how you chose to write a story about the gods. These are some of my favorites because it is fun to get a peek into the personalities of these gods and read stories about their lives. Your introduction was great and immediately left me wanting to read more. The pictures you used to go along with your stories are awesome and help describe each story that you chose to write. i like how the first story is about fathers and the choices they made to protect their sons. Its easy to relate to because i know my dad is a very protective parent. your use of dialogue throughout each of your stories is great and i think you have done an awesome job overall. your overall site is creative and it was different from the other stories i have read. keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmin I just looked at your storybook and I really liked it. Your introduction was interesting because it was part of the actual story. Usually, I see introductions that tell about what is going to be in the project. You included it as the actual start so that was nice. The plot was also clear and easy to follow. The development of it and the conflicts within were well written and overall it made the stories easy to read. You did a great job at creating these stories from other stories. You kept it consistent which is also very important. I liked the images your used for you storybook. Something else that was different but a good idea to include was the bibliography at the end. It makes your project put together and organized by having one place where all sources can be found. I really enjoyed reading your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Jasmin! I really love how you have done your project. Your site is nicely set up and you have chosen some really great pictures. I thought your stories were very well written and I enjoyed reading them. I love that you included part of the story in your introduction, as most have just given background information here. Your project is very creative and I love what you have done with the original stories to make them your own. I hope I can read more of your work soon, because you are a talented writer.
ReplyDelete